Month 10

Month 10.  This time last year I had decided do the surgery.  I knew it would change my life but I had no clue how much.   What I did know was I needed to do something because I was miserable.   Even though I felt it was the best thing for me it was still an incredibly hard decision, especially because I was doing it on my own.  Being able to reflect on it now a year later and am I so thankful I was brave enough to do it.

Month 10 my weight loss was only 2 lbs.  I know there are a couple reasons for such a low number but it is hard to not feel disappointment in myself for such a low number.  Everyone hits a plateau.  Most start seeing it around 6-10 months.  I was lucky and didn’t really hit mine until 10 months.  Second- I am still considered ahead of schedule.  By 18 months 80% of patients that started at my height and weight reach the 182 lbs mark, 50% hit 165 lbs, and 20% hit 149 lbs.  I am at 159 lbs at only 10 months, I will take that as win.  Third- I have been very lax on what I eat this month, maybe a little too lax.  I can see how easy it is to fall back into old habits.  I am determined to hit my goal weight so I need to get back on track and start working toward that goal again.  Fifth-last but not least I am stressed to the max and trying to find ways to cope with life’s challenges.  Everyone goes through hard times I am just ready for a little break from my trails.  Stress does a number on the body and so I know that isn’t helping.  I have stress at work, with my family, with my faith, and with the guy I really like  The money it coast to do the surgery also left me in a finically strain which is always stressful.  Thankfully I have amazing friends who I have been living with to help me out.  They live out in the country and I love it out there.  My room is such a happy spot for me and truly feels like my room.  At the same time though I don’t feel like I belong really anywhere right now.   I hate being what I feel is a burden to anyone and so I hope to move out and into my own space at the end of this month. 

While I am only down 2 lbs I have noticed my weight seems to be shifting and I am still seeing and feeling changes.  For the first time in forever I have pants that are a size 8!  I have shirts a few shirts that fit that are a size small.  I am really starting to see my collar bones and catch myself looking in the mirror at them which makes me laugh but I can’t help it!  I am starting to have more and more people that ask me if I have loose skin.  I have some but surprisingly not like I thought I would.  I see it some in my stomach, thighs and upper arms but it isn’t bad.  I don’t think I will ever have a flat stomach like I did in high school but I do think by the time I hit my goal weight it won’t be horrible either.  My hair is starting to thicken back up  (your hair thins after a major surgery and major diet change) and I have a lot of baby hair that like to go crazy.     

Running was going well but I have taken a break do to swelling on my knee.  I know I could use new running shoes, running clothes, and sport bras.  Once I have some extra cash I hope to be able to buy some.  I am also needing some fall/winter clothes, come on OT!      

September while stressful also had a lot of happy bright spots too.  One of those was my friend Brandalyn’s wedding!  I absolutely loved that Pattis marred her in uniform, he did such a beautiful job too.  The flower girl and ring boy came down in the coolest little police car that was made just for the wedding.  The rings were handcuffed to the best man.  There was good food and drinks, lot of laughs with friends, and dancing.  Overall it was such a fun night, I loved it!  It was also fun to see people who have not seen me in a while and hear all the compliments.  For the first time I am really starting to like how I look and it is just fun.    

One weekend Meridian PD held a fundraiser at the village for a new K9.  I am all about Police K9’s so I really wanted to go.  I went with my niece Ava and her mom Jessica.  It was fun to show her all the emergency vehicles and I had to get a picture of us by the ambulance.  We were also able to try on the SWAT gear and I am not sure who was more excited, her or me!!  After I went back to their house and was able to hand out with the whole family for the rest of the day.  It is one of my happy places and I love them all like crazy.   They even made me a Hei-Hei rock!!!

The end of the month I was able to enjoy the weather and spend some time with my Dad and stepmom.  We sent shooting which is always something I love to do and wish we were able to do it more.  After we went to dinner and caught up with eating burgers outside.  After we went back to their place and went for a swim. 

I was able to go to lunch with a couple of friends and had a date night with Jen.  If you can’t be goofy with your best friend who can you be goofy with!

If I wasn’t at work or running around I tried to soak up as much of the country life as I could.  They have two dogs that I just love.  Being around animals and being outside brings me peace.  They don’t judge me or hold grudges, they just love me for being me.  It is fun having chickens running around and a horse I can go and pet.  Being outside too helps me to clear my mind and just relax.  The weather has been amazing during the day with a crisp fall bite to it at night.  It is one of my favorite times of the year.  I am hoping fall holds on a little longer.      

I know month 11 will have challenges but I am excited too.  I am getting to figure out who I am and starting to really love myself again.  I have a thankful journal I write in and it has really helped me took for the positive.  Each day I look for something I am thankful for, somedays the whole section is filled out, other days not so much, but each day there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for!  I also put quotes I love in it.  One of those is “A little progress each day adds up to big results.”  I am coming to come out of this journey stronger and happier and to me that makes it all worth it.