D-Day

Yesterday marked 6 years since I have been divorced.  That means I have been single longer then I was married (I was married 5 years to the day).  It’s crazy looking back on the last 6 years and comparing who I was then to who I am now.  And while I feel I am doing well at rocking the single life I am SOOO over it.  I hate being single and while there were many parts of my marriage that I loathed (such as a husband who couldn’t not stay faithful) there were many parts of marriage I loved and miss.  That being said I know that waiting for the right guy will be worth it in the end so I am trying to be patient lol.  Nights can still be tough for me.  During the day I do well at keeping busy and doing things with friends.  At night when I am lying in bed by myself I feel the full weight of being along….. at times that weight is crushing.   My demons at times come out and whisper in my ear all my faults and flaws.  I miss being held after a long day.  I miss human touch.  Now there is a guy I really like, he has had my heart for a few months now.   I don’t know what the future holds for us but no matter what I know my heart can love again.  I am very hopeful things with work out but for now time will tell.

 

Every year on DDay (divorce day) I make sure do something fun.  This year I bought front row tickets to the Piano Guys (spent more than I should have but it was my Christmas gift to myself).  My plans for the concert were almost destroyed by the dang eclipse that caused a no time off block at work and all hands on deck for that full weekend.  Thankfully I was able to take that night off and I am so glad I did!  Before the concert I treated myself to a little shopping.  I have needed to get new bras and jeans thanks to the weight loss.  For the first time in a LONG time I am starting to like shopping for myself, it is kind of crazy and fun all at the same time.  After I went over to the West and got in some much needed West family time.

After it was time to meet up with Jen!!  We went to a really good Hawaiian place for dinner in Nampa, I wish my stomach could hold more because it was sooo good!  After we headed to the concert.  It was amazing!!   It was held outside and the weather was just perfect. 

Their music has a way of wrapping around you and it speaks right to your heart.  The Piano Guys themselves are entertaining and made us laugh the whole night. 

They only have one song that has words to it and it was perfect for everything I have been going through.  Here are the words to the song.

 

Doubt is a broken record that plays inside my head

I try to turn it down, but I can’t quite drown it out    

I’m tortured everyday, these never ending worries, pulling on my sleeves

 

So many times now I was supposed to tap out

All the walls would fall down around me

All anybody would tell me, is all that bad news how it’s gonna fall through

But no matter what they say or what they say

Its going to be, gonna be ok

 

And there is a battle ranging in your heart

But you must win

Its come for all of us, saying we are not enough.

So fight for your life, the words gonna try to sell you some lie.

 

No matter what you’ve been through here you are.

No matter if you think you’ve falling apart

Its gonna be, gonna be okay.

 

 

The end of my concert they played two of my favorite songs.  The first was A Thousand Years.  If I get married again I would love to have their version of that song as part of my wedding.  As they were playing people started to light up the phones and it was just breathtaking. 

The second song is Fight Song/Amazing Grace.  In the video they have they have a really amazing version with bagpipes.  Being part of the Law Enforcement Family hearing bagpipes playing amazing grace just holds a special place.  I have always said it would be amazing for them to have police or fire bagpipes play with them at their concerts. 

Last night they did just that!!  When I say the bagpipes step on stage about halfway through the song tears sprang to my eyes.  It was breathtaking and made my heart just swell.  Just thinking about it again brings tears to my eyes.  It hands down was the best part of the night for me. 

 

I am so thankful that I was able to spend the evening with Jen.  She has been by my side through everything and is truly my best friend.  I don’t know what I would do without her and thank God every day for her.  Can't wait to see what this next year brings for me and no matter what I know this girl will be there by myside through it all.